Currently Listening Mr. Brightside, Pt. 1 [Canada] By The Killers see related

um...yeah. 

so i totally forgot that this thing existed.  riiiiiiiiiiiiiiiight. 

anyways, since i last updated, i've jumped from server to server to server, so come and visit me at my permanent location (because i'm paying for the damn thing, so i might as well update.  makes sense, doesn't it?)

http://www.livejournal.com/users/stokedgrom

of all the pretentious, condesending things to say. 

i fucking hate people who are like that.  you know, the people who will start arguing for the sake of arguing, to get in the last word, who always think that they're right.  moreover, i also hate people who think that they're fucking right all the time. 

i'm tired of all the bullshit.  i'm tired of all the blame.  i even accepted half of it to begin with. 

but the fact of the matter is that it takes two to tango, and for someone to place all the responsibility of what has happened in the past on me is unfair, as well as being self-righteous. 

so from the bottom of my heart to yours, fuck you. 

that is all. 

damn. 

it's been a while since i last wrote in this 'intellectual' blog of mine.  i suppose it's because i really haven't had that much time to do much of anything really. 

i've been studying for the remaining exams that i have, and with work, i haven't even been regularly updating my daily blog, which means that i'm REALLY busy. 

but last night, i was just feeling like crap, and i'm not entirely sure why.  i know that part of the reason why i felt the way that i did was because i was getting frustrated with studying for my philosophy exam.  i started to hate myself for getting so behind in that course when i was initally doing so well, and for getting behind in the readings. 

a little background info:  this philosophy course dealt with medieval theology, and as such, there was a great deal of religious as well as philosophical discussion. 

anyways, as i was reading and rereading some of the passages, i found myself often agreeing with the scholars (due to my catholic upbringing and beliefs), and i started to get really depressed.  then i started to cry, because i was feeling so confused. 

about life, about the things (both good and bad) that i've done in the past.  about things that i've regretting doing, and for the hurt that i know that i've caused some people.  for all the missed opportunites, and for the bad decisions that i've made. 

and i thought to myself, 'how could god love a person like me?'  i know that scripture and church teaches us that god is all loving, will love us regardless of what we do, and forgives us of our sins.  but i dunno how that's possible.  i mean, i certainly don't feel deserving of god's love, and with all the things that i've done, i think that even his patience would've run out on me by now. 

i guess what i'm trying to say is that i think that i've hit a spiritual void.  now, i really find it odd that i'm even discussing this, simply because i was always sure of where i stood on these grounds.  but now, i'm not too sure. 

i'm not too sure of anything anymore. 

i'm also tired of not doing anything about it.  it frustrates me.  and it started when i got to university.  now, in my second year, the ideas and beliefs that i once held are not all the same ones that i hold today.  i understand that university is supposed to do that to you. 

but then again, i don't think that it's supposed to do so at the expense of who you are.  there are some things that i'd like to be certain of, and if i don't even know who i am, then how can i know about anything else, or be certain of anything? 

it's been a damn emotional few days. . .maybe i'm pms'ing or something.  heh. . .

*sigh*

as many people know, i read a lot.  mostly fiction, and even then, mostly books that are deemed 'classics' (think along the lines of dickens, melville, hugo). 

but lately, i've been reading a lot of children's books.  the fact that i work at a bookstore helps me out in this respect, because i know more or less about what's going on in the literary world.  and i've come to the conclusion that as we grow up and our reading preferences 'mature' (depending on the type pf person you are), we kind of lose that sense of excitement and wonder that a children's book conveys. 

moreover, a lot of people (i've noticed. . .at least at my store) lean towards books that appear to be more dark and broody. 

i love reading kids' books.  i think that some of them are WAY more interesting than some 'grownup' books, by far. 

though in my assessment, 'captain underpants' is not one of them. 

okay. . .cause everyone's doing this, i think that i'll jump on the bandwagon too!!

but i think that this'll be my *ahem* intellegent blog!! =P